Skip to main content

Wait Upon God

















There is so much in my life that I thought (I don’t even know what to think anymore) was wrong and then yesterday I got the most devastating news I’ve gotten this year. It was the icing on top of everything else that was not going right in my life. Then, just when I was beginning to think it was too much and began professing my hatred for this life, out of nowhere came unexpected peace and a strange blessing. I’ve never been more humbled by a blessing. Sometimes I get it and other times I don’t. It is easier to say it, (chant it even) than to live it…God is in control, God is in control, God is in control! This has always been such a hard concept for me to grasp as I have always been very curious, controlling and demanding ever since I was a little girl. I’ve never liked surprises because of this very trait…especially unpleasant ones. Yet God has been so patient in delivering them and through each of them teaching and shaping dependence and trust in me. I remember on one occasion thinking as a little child that if I prayed hard enough that my aunt would be raised from the dead and that if I had opened her casket and spoken the words ‘wake up’ that she would wake up, but she never did. I remember watching her casket being lowered and still hoping, praying and believing that she would make a sound, kick the casket, anything to let people know she was still alive…but she never did. I remember feeling like I didn’t pray hard enough, that I didn’t believe enough, ignored, powerless, helpless, guilty and betrayed all at the same time.

 This morning I laid awake in my bed at 2:00 in the morning and it just hit me like never before how much God has been FOR me, in spite of and because of everything I have ever felt or experienced. It really hit me just how much I have to be grateful for in spite of things seemingly not going my way. It was like scales fell, fog cleared, day came and as I lay in the dark and quiet I could see the many things in my life that I had to give thanks for and even the many desires God had fulfilled in his time, throughout my life. It all came to me…the beautiful gift of remembering…so many memories.

 Sometime last week when I woke up with this verse on my mind I really thought it was for a friend and I did share it with her… ‘Wait upon the Lord; be of good courage and He will strengthen thee’ (kjv) I have since realized that this verse applies to me just as much and for every single day of my life especially as I continue to struggle with always being in control, as I rush through life with my thoughts forever buried in the future, especially as I struggle with achievement addiction, impatience and distrust. As a matter of fact all of Psalm 27 is relevant. Wait upon the Lord indeed…he will act in His own time and as He chooses. Be of good courage…to fight back against fear and disbelief that He knows best and He will strengthen you…sounds like a promise to me.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Be sure to leave a comment!

Popular posts from this blog

A Matter of Time

I don't think it's any coincidence that God's time  seems to be the theme for this month. There just always seems to be a time line involved in everything we want to get done. Anyway, as my birthday is fast approaching I've been spending time reflecting, going through pictures, reading my journals just really reflecting to get some perspective. What was interesting was that while going through the journal I just happened to buck up this to-do list...yea...one of those goal to-do lists  where I need to do x by y time . Funnily, the list was written back in 2006 and it had check boxes placed next to the goals. I noticed that at least 3 boxes were still not ticked at the time, while others were ticked and dated...and now for the surprise the unchecked were: 1. Become a lacto-ovo vegetarian  2. Go Natural and 3. Something else that I can't quite remember now.. . It was very funny to me, as reading it marked the 8th day since I had gone vegan with no desire for mea
9 comments
Read more

The Driveway : Another Dream

After posting the last post I made about time , I went to sleep and once again had a strange dream. I have since been contemplating what to make of this dream. I mean how and when can we really ever tell when a dream is just a dream or a vision or even worse a warning? Last night I must have had a lengthy dream but what I can remember is being at this place, I am not sure where it was, but in my mind it seemed to be at this specific house. The house where my grandmother used to live in Frankfield. It somehow seemed different though as there were scores of strange people mulling about and as the stretch of land to get down from the road to the house...the 'driveway', had steps instead of stones and seemed much longer and steeper. What is even more strange was that people drove down the steps and there were three (3) vehicles down in the yard (bear in my mind that in reality the front and side yard of that house has no space for vehicles and vehicles have never been down there as
3 comments
Read more

Believe

A thought came to me today while visiting a family member's church and hearing the age old and simple message of salvation. The thought was about the basic principle of 'belief' which is a principle of both the physical world and the spiritual world. For example, in the physical world we prepare for the next day believing we will live to experience it. We plant and nurture flowers believing they will grow. We board a plane believing the pilot/plane will get us to our destinations safely and so on.  Similarly in the Christian faith, in order to have a relationship with God we must believe. There are at least 36 bible verses referencing belief. Top of the list is that we must believe that Jesus Christ existed, died on the cross for our sins and is our ultimate connection to God. We must believe all of these things that we've never seen in order to have a relationship with God - hence why Christians are also called Believers.  I was reflecting on how much
2 comments
Read more