What happened to us?

When did things become so awkwardly different? We’re not as close as we used to be anymore...I know that time and people change, but we were supposed to remain the same. Or maybe I was the one who changed. The trouble is, I don’t know when, how and why. Remember those days when we would take long strolls in the hot summer sun just because we both enjoyed walking and because the right company was all we needed? Remember those days when we would just sit and reminisce for hours and hours about things past - happy, sad and indifferent? Remember those days I would just leap on your bed with all my might and what you would ALWAYS say? Remember those times when we went days and days without end (it seems) content- on chicken soup. Lol. I remember...

Maybe things changed the day I realized you were old. The day I actually realized what getting old represented. That day he died and it clicked that you could be next... and then you started getting so very sick. It’s almost as if I started cutting the ties one by one so that it wouldn’t hurt so much in the end. I feel so guilty and selfish now but I can’t help it...I really can’t...I don’t know what to do. And now the lights are fading slowly and I don’t know when they will go out. Your daughter is 1yr older today and that reminds me that it means less time for you. I wanted you to be around forever, I actually thought it was possible back then...I was so young and naive, but now I see the truth...and it hurts like hell. But I will always remember, no matter what happens to either of us, I promise that I will never forget and you will remain in my heart forever.

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A Matter of Time

I don't think it's any coincidence that God's time seems to be the theme for this month. There just always seems to be a time line involved in everything we want to get done. Anyway, as my birthday is fast approaching I've been spending time reflecting, going through pictures, reading my journals just really reflecting to get some perspective. What was interesting was that while going through the journal I just happened to buck up this to-do list...yea...one of those goal to-do lists where I need to do x by y time . Funnily, the list was written back in 2006 and it had check boxes placed next to the goals. I noticed that at least 3 boxes were still not ticked at the time, while others were ticked and dated...and now for the surprise the unchecked were: 1. Become a lacto-ovo vegetarian 2. Go Natural and 3. Something else that I can't quite remember now.. . It was very funny to me, as reading it marked the 8th day since I had gone vegan with no desire for mea...

Perspective

There was a time I used to think single and alone is the worst thing a person could be. There were days I would sit on my teenage bed staring at the ceiling wondering why I wasn't desirable and I could hear my mom outside my window getting on with life - busying herself with laundry and other household chores. Since my mother's death I have realized that the worst thing a person could be is ungrateful. Everyday there is something or someone in our lives to be grateful for. The next worst thing a person could be is regretful. When you lose a loved one it's all you have - regret. I was so close to my mom yet I still regret the moments I wasted on the imaginary whos that were never in my life when I could have spent that time goofing around and learning more from my mother. Takeaway : Life is a gift and so are the people who were placed in our lives. Treasure who is in your life as tomorrow is promised to no one.

Overcoming The Disappointments of 2020

Never in a hundred years did I think I would be writing about a disease that has forced the complete shut down of the world. It’s caused me to think a lot and empathize with people and myself about our shared disappointment of how this year has turned out. Let’s recap the outbreak of the novel Corona virus in late 2019 (allegedly with a Chinese wet market as the epicentre): The virus made its way to over 130 countries The virus spurred a pandemic with panic buying & hoarding of essential items Several countries imposed travel bans and closed their borders Several countries limit movement and impose curfews to prevent the spread Non - essential businesses are ordered to close leading to mass layoffs Humans are instructed to stay in place at home and practice social distancing when they have to be out and about. Connected By Disappointment This all sounds stranger than fiction in writing but it is our shared reality right now and quite frankly many of us are ...

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